


Irresistible (Don't Make Me Stay the Night and Midnight Doesn't Last Forever)

by stylesoftheshire



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: Anal Sex, Angst, Fluff, M/M, Sexual Content
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-02-12
Updated: 2013-02-12
Packaged: 2017-11-29 02:43:10
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 6,865
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/681809
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/stylesoftheshire/pseuds/stylesoftheshire
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>In which Louis misses having Harry as a flatmate.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Don't Make Me Stay the Night

**Author's Note:**

> I had this posted as two one-shots on my tumblr but for ease I am combining them in series.

‘I’ve missed living with you, mate.’

Harry switched his attention from the television to the boy sat beside him on the sofa. He expected to see some kind of mischief on his face, but Louis looked utterly sincere and it did fluttery things to his insides. 

‘I’ve missed living with you too,’ he replied, his voice croaking pathetically with honesty.

Louis stayed staring at him for a few more seconds before his eyes crinkled and his teeth showed in a grin that had Harry smiling as well. 

He was still smiling even when Louis had turned back to face the television, and he took the opportunity to follow his delicate profile from the batting of his eyelashes, over the snub of his nose and right down to the perfect pinks of his lips…

‘Especially since Eleanor left,’ Louis continued conversationally, jerking Harry out of his reverie harshly.

Any mention of her was like a punch in the stomach, but it had been more confusing since earlier that month when Louis had announced to the group that they had broken up. Harry had been there for him just as much as any of the other boys had, if not more, but the lack of sadness on Louis’ part disconcerted him. He couldn’t stop himself from thinking that the reason Louis wasn’t that upset by the split was that things weren’t truly over between them and the thought made Harry queasy.

It was that sick, slightly embarrassed, feeling he had now. Of course Louis would miss living with him now that Eleanor wasn’t constantly hanging around his new flat like a bad smell.

‘Yeah? How you doing with that?’ he asked eventually, even though it was only the not so tiny masochistic part of him that really wanted to know.

Louis shrugged, still staring at the television.

‘I’m alright. Gets a bit lonely, but it’s not like we ended on bad terms.’

Harry nodded, finally tearing his eyes away to focus on the screen.

‘I’m here for you, mate,’ he assured after a few silent minutes.

He nearly jumped out of his skin when he felt Louis’ hand rest on his thigh, but it was gone just as quickly and when he looked up Louis wasn’t even looking at him.

He relaxed back against Louis’ sofa, the sofa that used to be in their shared flat before they had made the (almost) mutual decision to get their own places. It had mostly been Louis’ choice and Harry couldn’t blame him seeing as he’d had a steady girlfriend, but it had still stung more than it should have.

Harry remembered the day he moved into his new home in stark clarity. After he had arranged the last book on his bookshelf and looked around his flat, he had instantly felt like there was still something that hadn’t been put in its place. He had wandered around looking for a box left to unpack or a pile of CDs that weren’t stacked neatly, but it was only when he was stood in the doorway to the spare room that he realised what it was.

Where the floor was bare, there should have been clothes strewn haphazardly like they had been left over by a hurricane. Where the wall was painted chic white, there should have been a tattered poster of The Fray bought years before the fame. Where the desk was clear, there should have been a stack of FIFA games that Harry always failed at.  
Most painfully, where the bed was tidy and tucked in, there should have been a boy sprawled across it chatting animatedly into the webcam to his little sisters who were more miles apart that he cared to think about.

It was at that point, leaning heavily against the doorframe, that Harry had called for an emergency heart-to-heart with Zayn, who listened pensively as he explained that somewhere along the way he thinks he may have fallen in love with his best friend.

Louis suddenly cackled at something that happened on Friends and Harry had to physically block the reflex to turn and watch his pretty face light up. It shouldn’t have to be that hard.

He knew he got it bad when he realised he was starting to hate Eleanor for no reason, despite her being utterly likeable. He could have sworn he never used to be like that, but it was as if his new flat was a rundown shack with clouded windows through which no rationale could shine through. 

‘Maybe I can train myself to fall out of love with him?’ he had suggested half-heartedly to Zayn.

‘That’s like telling a dog not to lick its nuts,’ he had replied.

Harry supposed he was right.

‘You want anything to drink?’

Louis’ voice cut through his train of thought again, but before he could respond Louis was on his feet.

‘Urr, yeah. You got any juice?’ he called after his retreating back.

There was a pause.

‘Um. Sort of.’

‘How can you sort of have juice?’ Harry asked amusedly.

He could hear Louis tapping his fingers against the fridge and knew what was coming.

‘It kind of went off about a week ago,’ he answered a little guiltily, and Harry heard sloshing as he shook the carton experimentally. ‘You can come give it a sniff and see if it’s alright. How bad can orange juice go anyway?’

Harry shook his head as he heaved himself to his feet and made his way to the kitchen. He let himself appreciate the view of Louis bending over to rummage through the fridge for a moment, before Louis whipped around with the carton in his hand and thrust it under his nose.

‘How does it smell to you?’ 

Harry hesitantly inhaled over the open lid and recoiled.

‘Ugh! I thought you said it only went off a week ago!’

Louis pouted up at him.

‘It did! Best before the 7th of October, see?’

Harry stared at him incredulously.

‘Lou…’ he began slowly, taking the carton out of Louis’ hand and tossing it in the bin. ‘It’s November.’

Louis blinked innocently. 

‘Oh,’ he said, his lips curling up in a bashful little smile. ‘Oops.’ 

Harry slapped him on the arm playfully, his chest warming with affection.

‘Honestly, mate, maybe I should actually move in,’ he laughed. ‘At least then you might not end up with food poisoning.’

Louis shrugged. ‘Maybe you should.’

Harry’s laughter died in his throat quickly.

‘What?’

Louis bit his lip before running a hand through his soft hair and shaking his head. ‘Nothing.’

Harry didn’t know whether to push, but for a few seconds his heart had leapt into his throat. It wouldn’t be a good idea though and he knew it – he would never get over Louis if they lived together again. Instead, he just dismissed it and clapped Louis on the shoulder as he walked past him to get to the fridge.

He was just about to give the questionable-looking milk a tentative sniff when he felt Louis’ hand close around his upper arm and pull him around to face him.

‘Speaking of smells,’ Louis started as Harry stood partially paralysed. ‘Is that a new cologne?’

Harry stuttered, too aware of how Louis was leaning closer in toward his neck, nostrils flaring like an inquisitive puppy

‘S-sort of.’

Louis smirked and looked up at him.

‘How can you sort of have a new cologne?’ he asked cheekily. 

Harry rolled his eyes at the mimicry and tried to yank his arm out of Louis’ grip.

‘Not so fast,’ Louis scolded. ‘See, now I don’t live with you, I miss out on things like this.’

‘Things like what?’ Harry asked dumbly.

‘Like what cologne you put on in the morning,’ Louis supplied, ducking his head in again to sniff at Harry’s neck. 

Harry felt him let go of his arm, but he could also feel the tip of his nose grazing against his skin and he couldn’t bring himself to move.

‘I also miss out on you talking to yourself like a nutter when you’re trying to decide which necklaces to wear,’ he continued, brushing his fingertips over the fine chains lying against Harry’s collarbones.

Harry’s heart was racing nineteen to the dozen as Louis kept talking, unsure how he was managing to keep upright and sane as the lips he had been admiring earlier kept skimming against his neck. Louis’ fingers were still threading through the necklaces around his neck, stroking lightly over his chest, and it was making things twist inside Harry that he wasn’t sure he could control.

‘Lou…’ 

‘Yeah?’

‘What are you doing?’

‘Don’t know… do you like it?’

Harry tipped his head to the side, hating how Louis was the perfect height for this and loving it at the same time. He had no idea what was going on, had no idea if Louis knew what was going on, but the rational part of him was telling him to put an end to it.

‘Stop,’ he tried, but Louis chose that moment to open his mouth and close it again in a hungry kiss on his neck that nearly had him buckling. ‘Oh god.’

Encouraged, Louis did it again, nearer to his throat this time. He sucked on the skin gently, before dragging his lips to a spot by Harry’s ear.

‘Does it feel good?’ he breathed, sliding his hand around the back of Harry’s head to wind in his hair.

Harry only groaned, Louis’ teeth starting to nip softly at his sensitive skin and his hands moved of their own accord to the delectable curve of Louis’ arse.

‘Mmm, more like it,’ Louis hummed, pushing himself closer.

Harry could feel the warmth of Louis’ body all along the line of his own and he was sure he was forgetting how to breathe with Louis placing butterfly kisses along his jaw.

‘Lou,’ he tried again. ‘You don’t know what you’re doing.’

Louis’ lips parted in a small chuckle at the corner of Harry’s mouth, making a point of gripping his arse in both of his hands and squeezing amorously.

‘I think I do,’ he whispered, his words skating across Harry’s lower lip.

Harry moaned low in his throat and drew Louis’ hips toward him, feeling dizzy when the unmistakable length of his hard-on pressed against his thigh.

‘I don’t understand,’ he murmured.

‘For fuck’s sake, Harry,’ Louis growled, catching his lips with his teeth. ‘Shut up and realise that I want you.’

‘But —‘

Louis’ patience wore thin and he caught Harry’s words in a messy kiss, slamming his head back against the fridge. If Harry wasn’t so intoxicated he might have been worried about getting a concussion, but Louis’ stubble was abusing his face and his tongue was dominating all else. His cock started to swell in his jeans and, judging by his groan, Louis could feel it too and started grinding himself against it.

His fingers started fiddling with Harry’s flies and inadvertently grazed the length of his cock, nearly undoing Harry in one.

‘Not here,’ he managed, taking all of his control to pull away from Louis’ mouth.

Louis looked him in the eye – wild, needy and still rubbing their groins together– and nodded, seizing his wrist and hauling him from the kitchen.

Harry’s jelly legs stumbled after him, hardly able to believe what was going on when Louis slammed his bedroom door shut after them. They stood staring at each other, breathing heavily, neither of them moving as if they thought it might break the spell.

Just when Harry thought his cock might burst out of his jeans if something didn’t happen soon, Louis peeled his jumper off over his head and chucked it into the corner, motioning for Harry to do the same. 

Not taking his eyes off of Louis, all soft and golden, Harry cautiously removed his t-shirt. 

There was barely a second between him casting it to the floor and feeling Louis’ naked skin against his, knocking him back onto the bed where nimble fingers started tracing the tattoos that his tongue already wasn’t.

‘You’re so fucking hot,’ Louis mumbled against the bird inked onto his chest, sucking the skin lower and lower until he was mouthing around one nipple at a time.

Harry tipped his head back into the pillows, feeling pure ecstasy with the weight of Louis on top of him and the wet warmth that was worshipping its way down his long torso. His hands wound into the sheets, knowing that if he didn’t he would just be shoving Louis’ head down into his groin. 

Louis’ nose nuzzled the hair that grew below his bellybutton and his thumbs stroked along his hip bones, bending over him and giving Harry the perfect view of the dimples at the bottom of his spine. Harry silently urged him to go lower, lifting his hips away from the mattress, but Louis’ reaction was to sit up and show off the blatant shape of his cock through his jogging bottoms. Harry swallowed dryly and looked up from Louis’ groin to his face, flushed with the perfect combination of mischief and the need to fuck something senseless.

He hooked his fingers into Harry’s waistband and pulled his jeans and boxers off in one fluid movement. His cock sprung free almost painfully and he lost his breath for the hundredth time when Louis gave it an experimental tug.

‘God, you look good,’ Louis murmured.

Harry’s reply caught in his throat, too overwhelmed by what was happening to be coherent. 

Luckily, Louis was taking the upper hand, yanking down his jogging bottoms hastily and giving Harry an eyeful of what he had only dreamed of. His cock twitched in unconcealed interest and Louis chuckled, curling his fingers around himself.

‘Enjoying the view?’

Harry nodded, his hand jumping down to his groin only to yelp when Louis slapped it away.

‘None of that,’ he ordered, his familiar bossy tone making Harry’s toes curl in the new circumstances.

He shuffled on his knees to his bedside table, pulling out a tube of lubricant that Harry was surprised to find out he owned. 

He flicked the cap open with practiced ease but, instead of squirting into his own hand, he took hold of Harry’s wrist and drizzled it generously onto his shaky fingers.

‘Open yourself up for me, babe.’

Harry groaned and brought his knees up, exposing himself to Louis who repositioned himself between his legs. He pushed one finger inside himself, breathing slightly erratically as he went down to the knuckle and Louis leant in closer with wide eyes.

‘Jesus, Harry,’ he murmured, tightening the grip he had on his dick. ‘How does it feel?’

Harry whimpered, pulling his finger out all the way and thrusting it back in again.

‘So good, Lou.’

Louis moaned softly and used his free hand to push Harry’s legs open a little more.

‘Not the first time you’ve done this, is it?’ he asked, not taking his eyes away from between Harry’s legs.

Harry shook his head, speechless, as he pushed a second finger in sooner than he usually would have. It was worth the discomfort to watch Louis’ mouth fall open and his hand speed up.

‘Bet it’s not the first time you’ve done it over me either, is it?’

Harry scissored his fingers inside himself, thinking about all the times he had imagined that it was Louis fucking him deeply instead of the vibrator he kept in his bedside table. 

‘No,’ he gasped. ‘Always thinking about you, Lou.’

Louis scrunched his eyes up and circled the base of his cock tightly, trying to control himself.

‘A-are you ready?’ he asked unsurely, almost pleadingly.

Harry bit his lip, spreading himself wider. What Louis had to offer was sizeable to say the least, but he didn’t think he could wait much longer to feel it pressed inside him. While Louis still had his eyes closed, Harry slid in a third finger, briskly opening himself up as much as he could before removing them all and squeezing some lube onto his hand so he could lean forward and grasp hold of Louis’ dick. 

Louis’ eyes flew open in surprise and he groaned loudly, watching Harry’s long fingers curl around him. 

The feel of Louis in his hand made Harry’s insides burn and he worked his hand faster, making Louis buck forward unexpectedly. Losing his balance, Louis knocked Harry so he was flat on his back again and he was holding himself above him, hands either side of Harry’s head.

‘Fuck me,’ Harry whispered.

Louis growled and kissed him hard, taking his cock in his hand and lining himself up. Harry shivered, feeling over-sensitised already with Louis’ leaking head nudging inside him, taking it inch by inch until he could barely breathe.

‘ _Shit_ ,’ Louis hissed. ‘You feel fucking incredible.’

Harry whined, wrapping his legs around Louis’ waist as he tried to accommodate him. 

They locked eyes and whatever breath Harry still had left him, the look of concern on Louis’ flushed face only a few inches from his own making his stomach flip.

‘Are you okay?’ he asked softly, brushing the sweaty curls away from his forehead.

Harry nodded, wriggling a little until he was comfortable.

Louis smiled and kissed the top of his nose, moving his hips slowly, circling them in a way that started to drive Harry crazy in a matter of seconds.

‘Better?’ he asked, sliding both of his hands into Harry’s hair so his fingers scratched lightly at his scalp.

Harry answered by dragging his nails down Louis’ back and holding him there, arching as he thrust in a little deeper. He took the hint and started to move faster, pulling out a little further before pushing back in with less care than he had started with. Harry urged him on shamelessly, pulling Louis’ body up into him with his fingernails digging into his heated skin, trying to get as much as he could.

After a while, Louis lifted himself up a little, grabbing the headboard for leverage with one hand and Harry’s ankle with the other, fucking into his body mercilessly. The change of angle twisted something hot in Harry’s gut, his cock slapping against his stomach with each thrust Louis buried inside him, mingling with the sounds of their heavy breathing. All the months of dreaming about this had him too worked up to last as long as he would have hoped.

‘You look so good like this,’ Louis panted, ducking his head down. ‘So fucking good.’

Harry grunted, too far gone to think of anything sexy to say back to him. Louis had always been the chatty one.

‘Close already, babe?’ Louis asked, sensing it and fucking in harder so Harry’s whole body moved up the mattress. ‘Fuck, me too.’

Harry forced his eyes open against the delirium, high on the fact that it was him and his body that had Louis so close to coming as well. He drank in the sight of the way Louis’ arse moved as he pounded into him and the way his stomach tensed each time. His chest was just above him, but he didn’t have the energy to prop himself up so he could suck each nipple into his mouth. 

When he looked up to Louis’ face, brow creased and teeth digging into his lower lip, Harry felt himself lose it, coming hard up his own belly without warning and clenching around Louis’ dick unforgivingly.

‘Fucking hell,’ Louis breathed, looking down as Harry’s mouth fell open in a loud groan.

Louis wasted no time in propping himself upright and taking Harry’s trembling body by the waist so he could fuck into him desperately, the over-sensitised little whimpers spurring him on until he was coming with a shout.

Harry twitched a little when Louis slipped out of him, feeling something warm and wet drip between his legs as he went, but he still felt perfect, if not a little embarrassed that it was over so soon. He felt even more perfect when Louis came back to rest with his forearms either side of his head again, their chests touching even where it was sticky from his release.

Harry was speechless, absorbing the way Louis was gazing down at him like he was seeing him for the first time. It made him feel special, precious, loved and for one sweet minute it felt like he was on the cusp of something he had yearned after for so long… 

But then it was gone and all he could see was the smile he thought was only reserved for the cameras. 

Louis’ next words made Harry feel physically sick.

‘Thanks for that, mate.’

They went through him like a shock of cold water, made worse when the warmth of Louis’ body left him as he rolled off onto the mattress. 

‘Thanks?’ he choked.

‘Yeah, you know how it is. It’s been a while since El and all that,’ Louis said carelessly, already pulling his boxers back on. ‘A man’s got needs and I figur—’

Harry didn’t hear the rest of what he had to say. 

He had to get out of the room, the building – fuck it – the whole damn country, if it meant he could get away from Louis. 

He couldn’t remember pulling on his clothes and he couldn’t remember the journey from Louis’ bedroom door to his own. 

He couldn’t remember how he got through the next couple of days without having to see the light of day nor the number of times the other boys had texted him, rang him or came knocking at his door. 

He couldn’t even remember if he managed to sleep or not.

All he could remember was the debilitating heartache that came with being used by the person he trusted most in the world. 

The person who had given him half an hour of bliss before leaving him cold and empty with nothing to show for it except the series of bruises on his neck that made him hate his own reflection. 

The person who was still completely unaware of how irretrievably and heedlessly he had fallen in love with him. 

Louis had broken Harry’s heart and he didn’t even know it.


	2. Midnight Doesn't Last Forever

It took three days for Harry to finally answer his phone.

‘Harry? Harry? Are you there?’

Zayn’s voice came through the speaker a little louder than Harry had expected, though maybe that was because he had been wallowing in silence for so long.

He grunted a reply, having not used his own voice that much either.

He heard a loud sigh of relief and a faint echo of Liam’s voice in the background asking what was happening.

‘What the fuck has been going on with you?’ Zayn demanded.

Harry wasn’t sure what to tell him. He could lie and say he just wanted some time to himself on their week off or he could be honest.

‘Louis fucked me.’

He heard Zayn choke on his own saliva, followed by another antsy question from Liam, but this time it was fainter and he knew that Zayn had taken the conversation into another room.

‘Did you just say what I thought you said?’

Harry rolled over in his bed, burrowing beneath the covers again even though they were starting to smell.

‘Yes. He fucked me.’

The line was quiet for a bit.

‘Then why have you been hiding away? I thought Louis was what you wanted?’

Harry laughed, but it was cold and forced.

‘You know what he did afterwards?’ he bit out. ‘He thanked me. Said something about not getting any since Eleanor left and fucking thanked me.’

‘Harry…’ Zayn started slowly and Harry knew that he had no idea what to say back.

‘You don’t have to bother making me feel better,’ he interrupted. ‘I should have seen it coming. I should have known it wasn’t the same for him.’ His chest ached as he said it and he wrapped himself tighter in his duvet. ‘Have you seen him lately?’

Zayn cleared his throat awkwardly. 

‘Yeah.’

Harry nibbled his lip before asking, ‘What’s he been like?’

He could tell from Zayn’s following silence that he didn’t want to say and those stupid tears that just didn't seem able to leave him alone started pricking at the backs of his eyes.

‘He’s been normal, hasn’t he?’

He heard Zayn swallow and mutter a barely audible ‘pretty much’, before he ended the call and threw his phone across the room.

Of course Louis didn’t care. He had shown no signs of caring about Harry’s disappearance, even though he was usually the first one on the case. It was like Louis was a whole new person that Harry had never met before. 

The new Louis seduces his friends, fucks them and then expects things to go back to how they were, like it isn’t such a big deal and he hasn’t just ripped out someone’s heart through their chest.

Harry wasn’t sure he liked the new Louis.

It was a pity that it was also the new Louis who had handled him so delicately before fucking into him so intensely that, after any of the snatches of sleep Harry managed to get, he would wake up having already come in his boxers. Each time, he would feel disgusted with himself, peeling them off of his body and throwing them in the laundry basket before pulling on a new pair. 

That was just about the most personal hygiene he had maintained the past few days. He just couldn’t see the point in doing anything else.

He eyed his laptop on the desk beside him within arm’s length. He knew he shouldn’t but his hand was reaching out anyway. He typed in Twitter like a reflex, searching his own name like he had done on countless occasions.

‘ _Harry is still MIA_ ’ was a popular tweet, as were the ludicrous and bittersweet suggestions of what he was doing.

He felt guilty, but it wasn’t his responsibility to be seen outside of his flat just so the fans would know he was alive. Nonetheless, he found himself half-heartedly clicking ‘follow’ on a selection of his latest followers, triggering a flurry of tweets announcing that he was online and begging for him to notice them.

Sighing to himself, he switched to view his list entitled ‘people I actually know’ to see if any of his friends’ or family’s lives had taken a turn down the shitter like his had done, if only so he wouldn’t feel so alone.

It was nothing out of the ordinary: Niall tweeting about his guitar, Liam tweeting about an upcoming show and Louis tweeting about some X Factor contestant whose name Harry didn’t catch as he scrolled past his icon quickly. 

Just as he was about to click out of Twitter, a fresh tweet appeared.

_zaynmalik: hope that @Harry_Styles has had a shower today…_

Harry grimaced – it was a clever one on Zayn’s part. 

To the fans, it was nothing more than the usual banter and maybe a hint that Harry was alive and joining in on the boys’ raucous activity.

However, Harry knew that it was Zayn telling him that he needs to snap out of it.

He could have ignored it and buried himself in his bed again, but for some reason he found himself on his feet and slumping toward his bathroom straight into the shower. 

He didn’t bother waiting for it to heat up, and just let it run from icy cold to scalding hot before he tugged his sopping underwear off and dropped them onto the floor.

It felt good to get clean, he thought to himself, and he scrubbed himself harder until there were no bubbles between him and the sponge, just raw rubbing to finally get Louis off of his skin.

He stood under the jet long after he had finished scouring himself, just letting the water run over his chest, down his back and through his hair, making new memories on his skin. 

He turned away from his pink drowned-rat reflection to dry himself off, opting to use the hairdryer so the burning on his scalp would remove the feel of Louis’ fingertips there.

Ten minutes later found him in a pair of jogging bottoms and a t-shirt that he hoped wasn’t Louis’. 

_Harry_Styles: @zaynmalik thanks for the reminder_

Harry hoped that Zayn would see the ‘thanks’ stretching beyond the simple statement.

He shuffled out of his bedroom and dropped down onto the sofa, finding some kind of relief in being in a different room even though his imprisonment had been his own doing. 

He didn’t quite have it in him to turn on the television yet and instead just sat staring at the wall, counting the swirls in the paint and enjoying the sensation of feeling fresh even though he could still feel Louis ghosting over him. 

It couldn’t have been more than half an hour later when there was a knock at his door. Confused, Harry took his time in answering it, wondering why Zayn hadn’t told the others that there was no need to bother him anymore. 

He didn’t expect to feel like he had been winded when he saw who was standing on his doormat, drenched from rain that Harry didn’t even know was falling.

‘Hey,’ Louis said softly, pulling the sleeves on his coat down over his hands.

Harry was speechless, sure that if his heart beating right out his chest didn’t kill him then whatever was wringing around his lungs would instead.

Louis coughed a little awkwardly and shivered, waiting for him to say something back, but Harry wasn’t even sure how to feel let alone how to speak.

‘Harry…’He hated how much he had missed hearing Louis say his name. ‘I don’t really know how to, urm…’

It was one of the few times Harry had seen Louis at a loss for words as well and it settled him, but only for a moment because when Louis can’t say, he does.

Without warning, the space between them was closed and Harry could feel the damp from Louis’ clothes seeping through his t-shirt, cold lips pressed against his, hard. 

His mind went blank, arms limp at his sides, and Louis took his lack of reaction to be acceptance, holding him securely at the waist.

It was only when he felt Louis’ tongue trying to edge its way into his mouth that Harry really realised what was happening and suddenly all of the resentment and betrayal he had suffered, erupted out of him, pushing Louis away so hard he fell back into the door, slamming it closed behind him.

‘What the fuck do you think you’re doing?’ he demanded, clenching his fists until his fingernails dug into his palms.

Louis stared at him doe-eyed and flushed, his eyebrows drawn up pitifully.

‘I-I thought tha–‘

Harry felt like there was fire beneath his skin.

‘Thought what? That you could come back and fuck me again?’ He shook his head viciously, backing away. ‘Who _are_ you?’

A tear rolled down Louis’ cheek and he dropped his gaze to the carpet.

‘I’m Louis,’ he said quietly. ‘I’m your best friend.’

Harry scoffed, turning his back so he wouldn’t have to look at him, and folded his arms, hoping Louis wouldn’t recognise that he was just trying to hold himself together.

‘You’re not my best friend,’ he muttered.

Louis let out a small involuntary sound, something close to a whine, and Harry gripped his elbows harder.

‘Y-you don’t mean that,’ Louis whispered.

‘Don’t mean that?’ Harry repeated. He spun around, flinging his arms outward to gesture wildly at nothing and everything. ‘Don’t _mean_ that? How can you possibly say that I don’t mean something after what you did?’

Louis shrank back, biting his lip and wringing his hands.

‘I can explain,’ he said slowly, his voice quaking and not looking like he could really explain at all.

‘Please do,’ Harry said shortly, folding his arms again.

Silence quilted between them long enough for Harry to watch a raindrop fall from the end of Louis’ fringe to his delicate cheekbone, where it became indistinguishable from the tears that openly stained his skin. 

‘It was a mistake.’

His voice was cracked and quiet, but Harry heard the words as clearly as if they had been whispered with Louis’ lips around his ear and his hand around his heart. 

He found himself shaking his head even though it was what he had been telling himself all this time. The tears were finding him and he wiped them away furiously, but the movement drew Louis’ attention away from his shoes to where Harry was trying to hold himself in. His eyes widened dramatically and he pushed himself away from the door, hands automatically reaching out.

‘W-wait, wait, no!’ he gabbled frantically. ‘That’s… that’s not what I meant.’ 

He was close enough for Harry to smell the rain on him and the chill from it spread between them until he was shivering as well. Louis’ arms were still outstretched like they wanted to comfort him, but he just tightened his hug around himself and Louis got the idea, dropping his reach but keeping his proximity.

‘Having sex with you wasn’t the mistake, Harry.’ 

Harry blinked at him unsurely, loosening his arms slightly from around himself.

‘Then why did you say those things?’ he asked bewilderedly.

Louis seemed to battle with himself, running his hand through his wet hair in exasperation like he was trying to pull the thoughts right out of his head.

‘That was the mistake. God, you have no idea.’

‘Of what?’

Louis gave a strange strangled laugh and Harry watched perplexedly as he walked further into the flat and dropped down onto the sofa with the same kind of exhaustion that had been heavy in his own bones. He followed him and sat himself at the other end, putting a seat of space between them for his own sake.

He fidgeted uneasily as Louis had some kind of internal crisis, jumping like a startled rabbit when he finally spoke.

‘Fuck, Harry, you have no idea what it’s been like in that flat!’ he exclaimed suddenly, rubbing his palms over his forehead. ‘When you left it was like everything else went to shit. I just… I missed you so much and Eleanor realised and… yeah, that’s when that went to shit as well.’ He paused, shaking his head tiredly. ‘I didn’t realise how much I – how much I needed you until you weren’t just a shout away. It’s like I can’t cope on my own and at first I thought it was just because I’d never lived alone before so the solution would be to have Eleanor over more, but if anything that just made it worse. Christ, I felt so guilty but every time I heard a door open I’d think it was you and then I’d be disappointed when it was just her.’ 

Harry felt dizzy, head reeling from all of the new information that he couldn’t accept just yet, and he swallowed past the dry lump in his throat.

‘Are you saying that you and Eleanor split up because I moved out?’ he asked disbelievingly.

Louis looked up wearily and nodded.

‘Not just that though,’ he mumbled, worrying his lip with his teeth for a moment before edging along the sofa until their thighs were touching, taking Harry’s breath away with the simplicity of it. ‘I guess you could say that I, well…’

A combination of the nervous adrenaline coursing through his body and his lack of patience had Harry reaching out and grabbing hold of Louis’ hand. 

Shocked, Louis let the words tumble out of his mouth.

‘I really fucking love you, Harry.’

Harry’s heart was thudding so loudly in his ears he was sure he must have misheard.

‘What?’

‘I love you. At least, I’m pretty sure I do. For fuck’s sake, I can’t stop thinking about you and the other night being with you like that, it just…’ His lips curled into a tiny smile, sweet and honest. ‘It really made me realise how much.’

Harry couldn’t absorb all of this, pulling his hand away and shaking his head again because this couldn’t be right. He was the lovesick puppy, not Louis. 

‘I don’t… I don’t understand. If that’s true then why did you act as if it was no big deal?’

‘Because I’m a fucking idiot and I am so, so sorry. The last thing I wanted to do was hurt you, but afterwards… the way you were looking at me...’ He sighed and ran his hand through his hair again, shaking it out so that little water droplets caught on Harry’s face. ‘You were looking at me like I had just answered all of your prayers and it… it scared the shit out of me. I couldn’t live up to what you deserve and I thought if I just sort of, I don’t know – pushed you away? – that it would make things go back to normal and I wouldn’t have to worry about disappointing you. Only it turns out that I did worse than that.’

‘But Zayn said you were fine,’ Harry retorted, not sure if he liked how bitter his voice came out.

‘ _Harry_.’

The way Louis said his name then was the same way he said it whenever Harry was slow on the uptake after a joke had been told. He’d be left staring dumbly at him, waiting for it to be explained and Louis would raise his eyebrows and purse his lips in the same way he was doing now. It was the same tone of voice he used when something should have been obvious, but Harry had drifted off for a moment and missed the key point. It irritated and comforted him at the same time, and he wasn’t sure how to feel about that.

‘What?’

‘It’s called acting,’ and if the situation wasn’t so serious, Harry might have laughed at how he flavoured his words so they sounded like they were coming from a seasoned theatre aficionado.

Instead, all he said was, ‘Oh’.

‘Yeah. You have to know how horrible I felt, but I couldn’t show that in front of the others. Not just for what I did, but for how you reacted.’ He looked up, catching Harry’s eye and making it impossible for him to look away. ‘I was worried sick about you. I had to physically stop myself from running right over here as soon as we realised you were shutting everyone out. I just couldn’t stand the thought of getting here and having you mad at me. It was inevitable really…’ He sighed. ‘But when I did get here all I could think about was kissing you again.’

‘And why did you come here? Why now?’

Harry was close enough to catch the faint blush on Louis’ cheeks, making his stomach do a pointless somersault, and he tried to keep his hopes down.

‘I might have been eavesdropping,’ he admitted a little bashfully. ‘I was at Zayn’s when he rang you and – Christ – I was so fucking relieved that you answered that I couldn’t stop myself from following when he left the room.’ He shrugged one shoulder in the way a twelve year old might when his mum asks why he shaved the neighbour’s cat. ‘It just seemed weird that he wouldn’t want me and Liam to hear something so I volunteered to be a scout and find out what was going on. It didn’t take long for me to realise that Zayn knew everything, even things that I had been completely blind to until that night.’ He reached out tentatively and laid one hand on top of Harry’s. ‘I had to see you.’

Harry stared down at their hands, watching as he turned his own over slowly and slotted their fingers together. It looked so right.

‘You made me feel like shit,’ he muttered, not looking up from where his fingertips pressed between Louis’ knuckles. ‘Never thought you would make me feel like shit.’

‘Neither did I, Harry. Fuck, in some completely convoluted way it was what I was trying to avoid and I just couldn’t ev—‘

‘Louis.’

‘No, Harry, you have to know that I would nev—‘

‘Louis.’

‘Please, I don’t want to lose you and I jus—‘

Harry cut him off with a kiss, a kiss that was hard because he wanted him to shut up and listen, a kiss that was rough because he still ached from being left alone and a kiss that was desperate because Louis was all he ever wanted.

He pulled away, holding Louis’ flushed face in his hands, his long fingers brushing the wet strands of hair away so he could see every inch of its perfection. He looked back at him so earnestly, so full of remorse and apprehension like his life was hanging in the balance, that Harry just knew.

‘You’re a complete dick, Louis Tomlinson,’ he said seriously, making Louis wince, and he smiled softly. ‘But I really fucking love you too.’


End file.
